By Polly Hudson
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t wish to alarm you, but it appears we’re in the midst of a national crisis.
A national judging crisis. Funnily enough, I’m not talking about in courts and that – I mean somewhere that really matters. On talent shows.
Looks like TV’s Piers will be Awol from BGT ASAP. Simon wants to quit judging the auditions and rounds, and just take part in the final. Geri got booed.
Natalie Imbruglia was heckled (as well she should have been, actually, for WEARING THE SAME DRESS TWO DAYS RUNNING! Amateur, Imbruglia, amateur – Cheryl wouldn’t wear the same perfume two days running.)
Brian Friedman and Kelly Brook didn’t last a week betweem them.
Turns out, even though it seems like all you need to do is sit on a chair and trot out some guff about making songs your own and comfort zones, the reality of being a telly judge is it ain’t as easy as it looks.
But do not despair, fellow countrypeople, there’s someone who can swoop in and save the day.
Superminogue!
A woman who couldn’t have planned better maternity cover if she’d been in charge of it herself.
By the time Dannii comes back to X Factor, she’s going to be the most popular person in the country. The day she’s been waiting for her whole life is finally here – we’re ready to really appreciate her.
Dannii glowed through the series when everyone liked her (Sharon’s last one), gritted her teeth through the series when no one cared about her (Cheryl’s first one) and then cut her hair.
Seems a tiny, insignificant thing, but her new look was bold, brave, stylish and ridiculously versatile.
As Kylie said: “Who knew you could do so many things with a bob?”
It proved to have a Nosmas (as in Samson backwards) effect.
Without her long locks, Dannii was suddenly super strong and powerful – and at last everyone realised she was amazing. And then she was gone.
And replaced by Halliwell. That’s beyond absence makes the heart grow fonder – it’s nonsense we can take no longer.
Dannii’s perfectly timed pregnancy is the most clever career move ever.
She’s also managed not to put on weight anywhere, except for her bump, and has worn good outfits throughout.
Dunno about you, but I’m not going to begrudge her the Queen Of The X Factor crown.
I just can’t wait to see how she styles her hair underneath it.
No comments:
Post a Comment